When I was a young girl, I always thought I wanted two children when I grew up: one boy and one girl. The simplicity and equality appealed to me and just seemed right.
Then, I got married in my early twenties to the best thing that ever happened to me, Dustin. Being high school sweethearts, we wanted to wait until we both graduated college before getting married. So, we dated for 6 years, graduated college, got two dogs and a cat along the way, and then got married in August of 2004.
Just like we planned.
And it always seemed right.
But, as time went on and I attended grad school, I found myself not really wanting to have kids any longer. It began to feel forced on me by society and the idea of becoming a “mom” threatened the identity I had created for myself.
What would I be like as a mom?
Would I be able to love my child as much as I felt he or she deserved, but still have time to be me?
What if I didn’t have the love I was supposed to for him/her?
What if I regretted it?
I mean…there’s no take backs, here. And I might be the biggest culprit of buyer’s remorse that ever existed. Eek.
This revelation did not go over very well with Dustin. He wanted a big family and the love of his life was slowly second-guessing whether she even wanted a child.
So we decided to table the family idea for a while, focus on our careers, and enjoy our life together as a couple.
Over time, Dustin even started to convince himself he didn’t want children, either. That man is the most supportive, loving, and giving man I will ever know.
It wasn’t until we had been married for about four years that it happened.
My brother had a baby.
Then, our friends started having babies.
And we were envious, jealous even, of having a little one to call our own.
The thing we had convinced ourselves we didn’t want was actually calling us.
The time felt right again.
So, as we always do, we planned.
We decided it was time to start a family of our own.
I realized it was time for me to face my fears and to accept that I can’t control everything. To trust in love and life and take this new journey.
Looking back on my scared self about to have my first baby, I wish I could go to her and tell her how incredible this experience was about to be. That she was going to have a love she never knew was possible for her baby girl.
That this love would change her life forever, make her realize she had only lived in black and white before discovering it.
That she would understand what happiness is.
But I actually learned that pretty quickly once Jordan was born in May of 2009.
And everything seemed right.
Having Jordan was actually the reason why we started A Sweet Pea Chef – wanting to spend more time with her, I looked for a career that would allow me to be home for her as much as possible. It also made me realize I needed to escape a career path I had been going down that would only lead me to depression and sadness. More on that here.
We really owe all of this to Jordan.
To facing our fears and going for it.
To choosing happiness.
Deciding to have children was the best decision I ever made.
It’s not for everyone, but it was for me – I just didn’t know it yet. I needed to do it and get over myself to learn that.
Somehow, our sweet little Jordan will be 8 years old this May.
And, since Jordan, we’ve welcomed Savannah, who will be 6 this April, and Hunter, who turned 3 this past January.
My heart is so full with these three nuggets and I love my family more than anything.
As it came time for Dustin and I to decide whether we were done with having more children, we realized weren’t quite ready to end this phase. While I was adamant after having Hunter I was done, as time passed, I couldn’t escape the desire for a new sweet baby to hold and care for again.
After all, look what amazingness each new journey has brought.
I look through these photos and feel overwhelmed with how fortunate we have been in this lifetime.
So Dustin and I, along with the very expressed excitement and consent of our three kiddos, are happy to announce we will be welcoming sweet Baby Carolina this July.
The kids are so excited to meet their new baby sister and Hunter can’t wait to be a big brother.
Thank you for your support for our family over the years, as it has grown to be what it is today.
It’s been so amazing to share with you along the way.
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